Episode 11 - Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life

Episode 11 - Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life

Yep, that's the poster. We get real serious this week about a Lifetime Original Movie about one family being destroyed by an overbearing asshole mother played by an actress who has appeared naked in films no less than three times. Also: Finally a movie that finally answers the question "Switchfoot or Green Day," porno parties, and what would a Texas Chainsaw Massacre porn look like? (Stay tuned after the outro for outtakes and story time.)

Starring: Kelly Lynch, Jeremy Sumpter, Lyndsey Fonseca

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Episode 06 - The Golden Child

Episode 06 - The Golden Child

Starring: Eddie Murphy, Charles Dance, Victor Wong, James Hong, Charlotte Lewis, J.L. Reate

Crimes: Eddie Murphy doing lazy Beverly Hills Cop, abysmal headwear, more racism, oatmeal as a plot device, Dragon rape, sullying the good voice of Dr. Claw, the weirdest claymation scene you will probably ever see in a film.

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Episode 05 - Teaching Mrs. Tingle

Episode 05 - Teaching Mrs. Tingle

Starring: Helen Mirren, Katie Holmes, Jeffrey Tambor, Barry Watson, Michael McKean, Marisa Coughlin.

Crimes: Poor understanding of how schools work, poorer understanding of how scholarships work, magically appearing crossbows, the irony of incorrectly using irony, criminal misuse of actors and actresses way too good to be appearing in this shit, an unholy reference to "The Exorcist," the worst PG-13 editing in history.

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Halfisode 04 - Rock Beats Everything

Halfisode 04 - Rock Beats Everything

The gang talks about wrestlers making the transition to movies. Are they awesome like The Rock? Or are they, well, everyone else?

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Episode 03 - Bounty Hunters

Episode 03 - Bounty Hunters

Starring: Trish Stratus, Boomer Philips, Frank Zupancic

Crimes: Virulent sexism; offensive to Asians, Italians, people who like good things; an overload of fan-service, upskirts, downshirts, catfights, main characters who are massive hypocrites, uninteresting actions scenes, allowing a man named Boomer to improv, allowing a pro wrestler to use wrestling moves in fights, the phrase "Rub and Tug," being the most Canadian movie since "Canadian Bacon."

IMDB Score: 3.5/10


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Halfisode 03 - MPDG

Halfisode 03 - MPDG

This week: Spinning off of our "Elizabethtown" episode, we get a little weird with the concept of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Film criticism and philosophy make a surprise cameo.

Song of the Week: Allo Darlin' - Woody Allen




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Episode 02 - Elizabethtown

Episode 02 - Elizabethtown

Starring: Orlando Bloom, Kirsten Dunst, Susan Sarandon, Alec Baldwin, Jessica Biel, Judy Greer, Paula Deen

Crimes: Overdosing on "Manic Pixie Dream Girl," trying to make Orlando Bloom a leading man, making us feel embarrassed for Susan Sarandon, crimes against accents, romance based on creepy stalkerness, 'Aw shucks Southern hospitality, making Paula Deen the most tolerable person in a group, "I guess this is all mostly about a shoe?"

Netflix Average Rating: 3.2

IMDB Score: 6.3/10


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Halfisode 02 - Vampires

Halfisode 02 - Twilight, Vamps and Skeeves

This week: We sip the Twilight Haterade, talk our favorite and least favorite vampire films and vampire actors.

Song of the Week: Alkaline Trio - Draculina