Episode 07 - Sudden Death

Episode 07 - Sudden Death

Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Powers Boothe

Crimes: NONE YOU IDIOT. Once lame June ends then the true holiday month can begin - JUNE-CLAUDE VAN DAMME. Okay I guess if there's one crime it's being a bit too Die Hard-y but is that so bad? (No.)

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Episode 06 - The Golden Child

Episode 06 - The Golden Child

Starring: Eddie Murphy, Charles Dance, Victor Wong, James Hong, Charlotte Lewis, J.L. Reate

Crimes: Eddie Murphy doing lazy Beverly Hills Cop, abysmal headwear, more racism, oatmeal as a plot device, Dragon rape, sullying the good voice of Dr. Claw, the weirdest claymation scene you will probably ever see in a film.

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Episode 05 - Teaching Mrs. Tingle

Episode 05 - Teaching Mrs. Tingle

Starring: Helen Mirren, Katie Holmes, Jeffrey Tambor, Barry Watson, Michael McKean, Marisa Coughlin.

Crimes: Poor understanding of how schools work, poorer understanding of how scholarships work, magically appearing crossbows, the irony of incorrectly using irony, criminal misuse of actors and actresses way too good to be appearing in this shit, an unholy reference to "The Exorcist," the worst PG-13 editing in history.

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Episode 04 - Vibrations

Episode 04 - Vibrations

Starring: Christina Applegate, Paige Turco, Scott Cohen, James Marshall.

Crimes: TJ's hair, taking a ridiculous premise extremely serious, random redneck attacks, improper handling of construction equipment, improper handling of welding equipment, improper handling of music equipment, "Anamika," Simeon's clothing, handwaving (heh) the sudden disappearance and presumed death of your son/boyfriend.

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Halfisode 04 - Rock Beats Everything

Halfisode 04 - Rock Beats Everything

The gang talks about wrestlers making the transition to movies. Are they awesome like The Rock? Or are they, well, everyone else?

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